Monday-unexpected

Monday, well it looked like a nice day outside and my cat was out of food so i decided to take a walk to the store and get her some food. Good or bad decision? Well, it was good because my cat needed food, but i had no idea not even a hint of what was about to happen.

There's a shortcut that i've been using since the beginning of this year, a non-paved alley, and by that i mean it's one of the few dirt roads that we have around here, although this alley is half dirt and half rocks.

Usually i wear my black sandals because they allow me to have more secure footing, (my pain consultant has been telling me for two years at least that i have weak ankles and need footwear that gives support to my ankles...i thought yeah that's nice in theory but in summer i love to wear my sandals, which don't have any ankle support) I had already left the building before i realized i had my brown sandals instead of the black ones i usually wear. Well, my mind was distracted by quite a few things that i've been thinking over recently which accounts for why i had not been paying attention to which sandals were on my feet.

So here i am in the middle of the shortcut which i must say is very uneven ground to be walking on even in the best of circumstances, but i'd walked it so many times i was feeling confident. Halfway through said shortcut my right ankle decided to give out on me and i fell. I landed on my hands and knees and my right knee landed a lot harder than my left one. My first thought was, have i broken anything? I wasn't feeling any pain so i got up and realized that part of my right knee and most of the leg was scraped up pretty good. I was bleeding but very slowly so i quickly made the decision to continue on to the store, after all my cat still needed food. I also want to say here that i always go to that store because all the ladies are so nice to me there and i feel so much at home, as apposed to the other stores around here that make me feel like i'm an unwelcome intruder.

By the time i got to the store my leg was feeling a bit stiff and i was starting to feel some pain but it was nothing compared to the pain i go through everyday(for those of you who don't know i have Fibromyalgia as well as CFS and many other medical conditions) i cleaned out my 'injury' the best that i could with clean cloths given to me by the lady that was working that afternoon. I then did my purchases and continued on my way home. By the time i reached home i was in so much more pain, having a hard time bending my knee and my hip had started to hurt as well. I was grateful to be home and to be able to get a better look at my 'injury' and to clean it out properly and sit with my leg up and the area in question covered by a cold cloth. In this way i got the bleeding to stop.

The pain, especially the pain in my hip continued to increase. My 'fall' had happened early afternoon and as the afternoon wore on the pain increased so much i was in tears(now those that know me best know i have a very high tolerance for pain and do everything i possibly can to hide the fact that i am feeling pain, so they know that when i am showing by my body language that i am feeling pain then it is very, very, very bad) By about 6:30 i was in so much pain i was feeling desperate, so i reached out for my favorite means of comfort-prayer. i knew i could not go see a doctor so i asked what can i do? the answer came quickly and i made a phone call and within half a hour the missionaries along with a brother from the church that they happened to have with them at the time were here to give me a blessing. I don't know how to express sufficiently how grateful i am that they were able to do this and arrived so quickly.

Now, more than 24hrs after my fall i am still in some pain, i'm barely having any trouble walking which when this happened walking was almost an insurmountable feat! The pain in consequence of this incident is almost gone, i am still having some pain with my hip but not much. I am so thankful, grateful and feel so blessed right now, i truly feel that 'my cup runneth over'!!!

I suspect that my hip may be bothering me for the next few days, but i am so much recovered compared to yesterday that i feel i will be smiling much today!!

Cathching up

It's been a quiet week, but i have not been online much. On Monday my sister and mom came to visit me. I was glad to see them. They stayed for the usual amount of time which is 1.5 hrs. Since then i've just been here at home. I haven't gone out except to go for my daily walk or to go to the post office. My daily walk is usually to go to the store and i pick up enough food to last me for the day.

Usually summer is my best season healthwise, but this year it's different. I'm in much more pain than usual, not walking as fast as usual either. I wouldn't be able to say why this summer i am worse but there it is, a fact that i cannot change.

Still looking for a home for Belle, my cat. I can't keep her now that I have Muffy. I could afford them both if i retrench, but Belle does not do well with dogs, she would tolerate Muffy being here while my Mom was away on vacation, or when she was in the hospital, but now that this is Muffy's permanent home she is getting very aggressive, nor is she getting the full positive attention that she needs. I would love to be able to give her the full attention that she needs, but Muffy requires a lot of daily care and there just isn't enough time in the day. So i am looking for a good home for Belle. I am hoping to find something soon, it will be much better for both of them.

I've been having weird thoughts and dreams lately. I feel that God is leading me toward a happy and fulfilling path, but i don't know what that is. I wish there was some way for me to get there faster. I'm just going to have to be patient and hold to the faith that He knows what is best for me and will reveal where He is leading me when the time is appropriate.
GB
dixtra
XOXO

Poem

The following poem is my original work, if you want to reuse please ask before doing so. Thanks!

What words echo inside my mind?
Which rhythms are worshipped?
So many rhymes through the kingdom.
So many lies passed with the bread.

How do we wade through the mire?
How do we stay on our chosen course?
Different preachers on each corner,
all imposing their own interpretations.

Why do we doubt intuition?
Why do we circle and never alight?
Years seem like feathers, floating,
through time, through air and hearts.

GB
dixtra

Where I'm at today

I chose to start this blog as a way for people to get to know me better. I've posted a link on my facebook profile to this site for that purpose. Another reason for this blog is because i love writing, and another is that i wanted a way to keep track of what is going on in my life and maintaining a blog is so much more interesting than writing in a journal.
Some may perceive the rest of this post as a rant, but i'm just putting my opinion out there.

Last nite i had a conversation that i'd been looking forward to for a while but was unsure how it would go. I have a very active imagination so several times i tried to imagine the possible avenues that this conversation could take. Never in my wildest of imaginings did i think i would be so obviously lied to!!
I'm not the smartest woman, but i'm not stupid either!
I do remember what people say to me! My memory is bad in some areas, but not when it comes to what people say to me, especially when it is followed up with obvious hints and signs and the same things being said many times over!

I'm not going to go into details. There is no need to for if the person concerned decides to take a look at this post they know what i'm referring to. And if wanted i can tell 'said person' the things that were said many times over.
Maybe i look like i'm stupid, that must be it. Otherwise why completely deny what was said and after a few minutes of thinking come up with a possible explanation that is full of more holes than swiss cheese, and to say it in the most hesitant of voices!!!

But most importantly i want to say, i'm not angry. Disappointed? Very much. Hurting? Well, for a few minutes after the conversation i was but no longer am. Disgusted? My very top pet-peeve is lying. It serves no useful purpose and only creates trouble, this one has created a lot of trouble. Can anyone think of any other emotions, feeling, etc that i can explore in relation to this incident? Please share if you do. If you prefer to share privately email me dixtra@gmail.com

I've not said the last of what i am going to say on this situation/conversation/subject. But that is all i will say here for now only because i have many more important things to dwell on than someone i thought was a friend lying so badly to me...and it was bad because it was so obvious this person was lying, did not believe in the 'alternate explanation', could not make their voice even remotely believable, had to take time to think before giving explanation and it made absolutely no sense, was quite contradictory on a few points...i don't think i need to say more on that.

GB
dixtra