Thoughts of my day yesterday

I'd meant to do this post yesterday evening but i got caught up with other things and didn't have the time for this until now.

Yesterday afternoon i got a bit caught up in researching a few things on the net. One of the main things on my mind right now is this computer. It's not mine, it actually belongs to my Mom. she had lent it to me for a while. She hasn't asked for it back yet as she had said she wanted to get herself a new computer, however i haven't heard if she did that or no. So i keep thinking of the fact that she may ask for this one back, and if she doesn't i really need to get a new computer for various reasons.

This computer:
-works fairly well, but does not allow me to do all that i need to do
-is really really slow
-i can't run my graphics program
-my email program won't work on it

Well, there are other things as well but the above will do for now. So, i did spend part of the afternoon checking out different computers on the net.

For the second part of the afternoon i went for a walk with my beloved dog Jorham(formerly called Muffy). He was so excited to know that he was going for a walk that it took me a really long time to put on his harness and leash. Jorham was tired and really thirsty by the time we got back. After we got back inside the apartment building i was trying to have a conversation with one of my friends and Jorham kept pulling at his leash. He was really insistent and stubborn due to the fact the he just wanted to be in our apartment so he could play for a few minutes and then have a long nap.

He's actually napping in his little bed that i keep beside my desk right now. I couldn't get to sleep tonight which is why I'm here at this hour.

And now it is today, Saturday and i have no idea yet what we're going to do today, but i do know that i want to get some sleep, hopefully before the sun comes up. Yep, the sun hasn't come up here yet, but i know that it will soon. So i will end here for now and attempt yet again to try to get to sleep.

Hugs,
Dixtra
XOXO

I'm here

I haven't been doing good lately. I've been having a lot of trouble with my anxiety. Recently I've started doing at least one thing each day that pushes me out of my comfort zone no matter how small that thing may be and I've been finding that it is helping a bit.

It's been a long time, not sure exactly how long that I've actually turned on my computer, it may sound strange but i have been shying away from turning on my computer because I've been feeling that i couldn't handle contact with other people, which lets me know that it is not just my anxiety, but also my depression which has been limiting what i feel i am able to do.

I'm expecting my sister to be getting here for a short visit in just under two hours. I spoke to her last night and she said she would be here, so unless an emergency crops up i will be having a visit which will help me a bit.

I've had the feeling lately that my neighbors in my apartment building that i was friendly with are not really wanting to have much to do with me lately. I don't know if they're just respecting the fact of what I'm going through and giving me the space i need to get back to feeling myself. Or is there something going on? Is there some reason that i feel they're hurrying to get away from me when i want to talk to them? I have no idea what is going on but i am hoping that i haven't lost the friendship of those neighbors that i liked to spend time with. See it's been a couple of months that I've been trying to get past this anxiety/depression thing that I'm having trouble with right now.

I haven't been going to Church either while this has been going on and I'm hoping that my friends there will receive me well when i do go back. I'm hoping to get to go to Church this weekend, as long as I'm feeling OK on Sunday then i definitely want to go to Church. There are so many people there that are always nice to me and i feel that is the perfect place to get myself used to going out and interacting with people again.
Hugs,
Dixtra
XOXO